LI

While Long Island is literally thousands of miles away from what I call home, it might as well be the next town over. I thought I was in Milton-Freewater, OR (If you know where this is, may god bless your soul). Anyway everything west of Jamaica Queens and east of the Hamptons looks like a series of very quaint towns in the deep south. The people however, are definitely New Yorkers. They have Long Island accents, which sound a little less guido then Jersey accents yet much harder than the mid-western flavored upstate accents. New York city does not have its own accent, as it is a combination of 8 million interpretations of English. But back to Long Island. Here in the city LI gets a bad rap, together with Jersey any people coming into the city from either location are labeled as the, “bridge and tunnel crowd.” It is a negative connotation that may not be deserved, but is in fact supported by several forms of evidence. Still, I hold no ill will toward anyone from LI or Jersey. Though it is much easier to say this now that I am no longer a server. Regardless, some damn funny comments were heard during my brief stay.

“Your breath smells funny.”

“A Mets hat huh, I hope you like swimming because you’re going in.”

“Well shit, I haven’t seen ya since ya got knocked up.”

“Why are Puerto Ricans so good at baseball…because it’s the only sport they can steal in.”

“Ahhh let her drink, she’ll be 21 in a few years.”

“Sic em’ boy…good dog.”

“You loosened my engagement ring you little fuck.”

(80 yr. old woman to Marcus) “You’re a bum.”